I have been struggling the past few days. Struggling with topping from the bottom. I have done it for years and it just drives B crazy! Absolutely insane. The amazing thing is that he holds it in, and he has held it in for years. He finally called me on it, called it what it was. It made me hot that he called it what it was! How is that just words do that to me?
So these past few moments we have had together have hit a all new level for me. I suggest a wooden spoon, a crop some pain play. I thought he was afraid to try it for fear of hurting me. Turns out, he is okay with it....big big smile on my face right now! The sting brings me so much closer to that place that brings me heightened joy and pleasure. It relieves a deep need that only he can touch, a itch only Beast can scratch! Last night we were sort of pressed for time, but he made time for me. Actually made time to take care of me first. He knew what I needed, he really did. He knows the 'rents are about to arrive and that is a tense situation to say the least. He knew I was tense, that the wild monkeys were driving me to my breaking point. He relieved my tension. He knew...he knows. He is still learning how to weld his power but he just...knows, and I knew it all along. I just have to tap into my patience. We are under enormous pressure on all sides and yet we are still finding solace in the comfort of TTWD. It's liberating...oh how liberating! How I love and truly wish to submit my body and soul to Beast. He is my everything. What a beautiful surrender when one finally gets it!
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