I haven't posted in quite a while and fankly....it's been a long road on which I have traveled. The Beast, my honorable and loving Beast has withdrawn from me totally.  He's taken himself to a place I cannot travel with him and I am lonely. Very, very lonely. I totally get why women find lovers.  I need to be cared for and loved, honored and cherished and truthfully him and our 3 boys just take advantage. They think they are being silent or honorable but really it just feels like desolation. I am defeated, dishonored and sad. This is my end I think...the end of me trying to find the peace I seek in D/s. It will NEVER happen because ultimately Beast will never be okay with it and I just have to live with that. I am not important enough to drop what is in his mind and focus on what I need. I just feel sick now. Puky and done but that really means, puke your guts out, get the kids to bed and then if you still feel icky snuggle up to me so I can help you get to sleep which he can't do. I'm just sad...sad that my life has come to this. Sad that it's never going to be different and that Beast really cares more about Candy Crush than he does about how I feel. Welcome to my man dominated world!

I can't help but think this is punishment for my previous life. Ugggnhhh