You know that feeling when you are mad, just downright pissed and you know deep in your soul that you have no good reason to be, but you just are anyway. That was me last night and today. I was and am just DONE...I am still done now, after a long day, a long week! I know that B knows what I need to make it better but he is either too afraid to try or doesn't feel adequate for the challenge I have posed to him a few months ago. Getting a little kinky is easy when I buy toys or suggest or make the moves to make it happen, but when he has to step up, read up and figure out how to, oh, I don't know, spank me so hard I cry so I can release all those days of frustration, oh no....oh no, that is too much. I send him all sorts of resources facilitated stepping into a more BDSM or D/s life but it feels like Angel may not be as important and cherished as she thought she was. At least not today. There are other things keeping B's time, well that is until he want fuck Angel! Then all bets are off and Angel must be in the mood, ready to go and happy about it. I am a lot of the time, but lately, not much care has been taken in the comfort of Angel! slutty sex kitten is what he prefers without any work on the needy parts of Angel! Yes, I am totally pissed off. I manage a house of 3 boys and 1 man. I am surrounded by insensitivity, puberty and little boys needing their mum. I am just angry, and I feel resentful. Angel is resentful tonight. I want to say no way to the sex tonight...I want to punish. But I am trying to learn to be a good sub in hopes that he will at least try! I know I am not really submitting and have a long way to go, but holy batman you stupid Beast, how many things can occupy your mind before you pay true and loving attention to what you bloody well know I need. Buy a f-ing crop, figure out how to use it and help me damn it! What is the problem here!
Just as a stupid petty side note- I know no one is reading these posts and I asked B to read yesterdays....he had the time. He just chose not to...so you know what, whatever. I am not sending you notice of my posts anymore. Now I am almost assured that you will never read it over your score boards and political news crap. Fine way to treat the person you call Angel when she sings your praises! Maybe you are just a Beast!
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